online dating is terrifying

Where do we begin? Two of my girlfriends and I went out to meet out to meet this guy at Sweet Frog. He was not a love interest, but he seemed like a cool guy that just wanted to be friends. However, everything went wrong.

Not only did he eat the Styrofoam of his extra-large cup and had horrible fashion sense (those rolled-up high-water pants looked really good), he was extremely rude and sketchy. At one point he pretended to call “his mommy in alley” (I’m assuming this is code for his drug dealer?). He criticized the appearances of the restaurant’s patrons and employees, and expected us to join in on his childish and cruel game.

He stereotyped the entire area of the city, and talked to us like we had never been here before. We’ve lived here for a whole year, one of us for her whole life!

He pulled a chair out and put his filthy faux Sperries next to one of us, and repeatedly kicked the other in some sort of attempt to hover over us. 

We asked him if he was living at home, and he looked at us like we were stupid to ask such a question and proceeded to say that “There’s no way I can live on my own- I’m only 18!”

He was totally crushed throughout the entire meeting because his data plan ran out, preventing him from listening to Spotitfy. This caused great upset.

The most frustrating aspect of this night was the fact that he continuously interrupted us, and did not seem to grasp that he was being disrespectful. Eventually we commenced trolling. At one point my friend was laughing so hard at his stupidity she was crying, and he could not catch the hint. Only after running out screaming about a “previous commitment we had forgotten about” were we able to leave.

The icing on the cake? He still expected us to give him a “goodbye hug”.

I’ve lost my appetite for Beef-Wellington.

P.S. He’s a “culinary student” and is thinks that gutting animals is disgusting, yet is not a vegetarian.

I had one girl go nuts on me; Im’ not a bad looking guy so I was getting some emails from different people but many would take it extremely personal if you werent’ interested, no matter how polite you were to them. 

I told one girl that I was not interested but that she seemed great and I wished her well and put a smiley face at the end of the sentence.  Her response:

“F U!!!! NO ONE disrespects me.  Write out the damn word and dont’ just leave a smiley face.  Who the hell do you think you are!!!  I’m going to contact a moderator and complain about what an ass hole you are!!!”

She then flagged all 4 of my photos and without checking anything with me, I noticed all my photos were deleted by OK Cupid the next time I logged in!  What was worse is that I found out they were occasionally using my photo for advertising to get more women on the site!!!

Another girl got mad at being rejected and made a sleazy craigslist dating add and attached my okcupid profile.  In the next few days women were signing up for okcupid and leaving raunchy messages.  Even Craigslist said not to trust okcupid and that the police may need to be called.  I didnt’ want to get in a battle so I just quit the site and complained which did no good!

malesubmissionart:

Just in case you thought I was more interested in destroying FetLife than destroying rape culture, allow me to direct your attention to my newest project:

maymay:

The Predator Alert Tool for OkCupid (PAT-OKC) is an add-on to your Web browser that alerts you of any red flags for a given profile as you browse OkCupid. A “red flag” is simply a public action taken by the given profile that is concerning, such as answering Match Questions in the same way an undetected rapist is statistically likely to answer them. For instance, given the following question, an answer of “Yes.” would be alarming:

Have you ever been in a situation where you tried, but for various reasons did not succeed, in having sexual intercourse with an adult by using or threatening to use physical force (twisting their arm, holding them down, etc.) if they did not cooperate?

This is not a hypothetical question, nor is the answer universally obvious. This is, in fact, the exact phrasing of a question used in a study called “Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists” by David Lisak and Paul M. Miller, published in Violence and Victims, Vol 17, No. 1, 2002 (Lisak and Miller 2002).

Tragically, a statistically significant portion of respondents answered in the affirmative. While much smaller than the portion of respondents who answered with a “no,” the fact that some people blithely answered “yes” makes these questions worth asking up-front, to everyone, all the time. The Predator Alert Tool for OkCupid automates this process and issues warnings if its heuristics find a concerning match.

This early warning system can help OkCupid users make better informed choices about what measures they feel they need to take to remain safe while using the service.

System requirements

The following software must be installed on your system before installing the Predator Alert Tool for OkCupid user script.

Mozilla Firefox

If you use the Mozilla Firefox web browser (version 12.0 or higher), ensure you have the Greasemonkey extension installed (at version 1.0 or higher).

Google Chrome

If you use the Google Chrome web browser (version 23 or higher), ensure you have the Tampermonkey extension installed.

Installing

To install the Predator Alert Tool for OkCupid, go to http://maybemaimed.com/playground/predator-alert-tool-for-okcupid/ and click “Download and install” near the middle of the page:

Download and install Predator Alert Tool for OkCupid

If you enjoy this script, please consider tossing a few metaphorical coins in my cyberbusking hat. :) Your donations are sincerely appreciated! Can’t afford to part with any coin? It’s cool. Tweet your appreciation, instead.

If maybemaimed.com is censored where you are, you can alternatively go to the Userscripts.org page for Predator Alert Tool for OkCupid and click on “Install”. If the tool is also unavailable there, you can alternatively download PAT-OKC from GitHub.com.

Using

After installing the Predator Alert Tool for OkCupid (PAT-OKC), you will be presented with a welcome screen that describes the tool’s use, its limitations, and provides links to helpful safety information.

Click on the “Go” button and you’ll begin the installation questionnaire, modeled after the survey in Lisak and Miller’s study, cited above. It’ll look like this:

Complete the Match Questions in the PAT-OKC questionnaire just as you would an ordinary OkCupid question. When you submit your answer, you’ll automatically be redirected to the next required question. You’ll also be able to pause the questionnaire periodically and resume it later.

When you’ve completed all of the questions, you’ll be presented with a pop-up box that offers a brief summary of how to use the Predator Alert Tool for OkCupid:

If you encounter a profile on an OkCupid page whose behavior on the site is concerning, PAT-OKC will highlight links to that user’s profile in a red, blocky outline. Viewing that user’s OkCupid profile page will offer a full explanation of why that user’s profile was red-flagged.

Frequently Asked Questions

Before you report a new issue with the Predator Alert Tool for OkCupid (PAT-OKC), please check to ensure your question is not already addressed in the list below.

• Where can I learn more about this issue?

Where can I learn more about this issue?

The following articles are important reads that offer additional background and context for this issue:

• Meet The Predators
• Tracking rape culture’s social license to operate online
• Help dating websites’ Rape Culture FAADE Away

Each of the pages listed above also contain numerous additional links. I’d recommend reading them, too.

Change log

• Version 0.2.1:
  • First public release.
• Version 0.2:
  • Initial orientation path and installation questionnaire.
• Version 0.1:
  • Initial working prototype.

-maymay

P.S. Inquiries regarding the destruction of FetLife still welcome, of course.

(via callingoutbigotry)

Most awkward message I’ve gotten so far:

Hello or hola …The best part about your profile is that you don’t obsess about food..haha.. nice to see..

for some reason I’m vibing I’m your type but just wanted to tell you I really enjoyed your profile.

Nice on the eyes too.

Yes I admit I noticed your pic first then what you had to say kept me here.

thanks for making me smile.

By the way I am Joshua and your name is?

Ok so I’m a full figured girl so apparently that makes me obsessed with food? To top it off, I’m a graduate student and my type is intelligent, college-educated men. This guy barely graduated high school. 

I think this is possibly the worst initial approach I have ever received: 

Your name intrigues me, I’m Irish, what else can I say except that I have lovely girthy one who would love to sample juicy juice… Txt direct [telephone number] and see what happens

Suffice to say I did not take up his oh-so-tempting offer.

I think this is possibly the worst initial approach I have ever received: 

Your name intrigues me, I’m Irish, what else can I say except that I have lovely girthy one who would love to sample juicy juice… Txt direct [telephone number] and see what happens

Suffice to say I did not take up his oh-so-tempting offer.

Awesome back-handed compliment. Obviously, I immediately dropped my panties for this guy.

I think this guy just uses his OkCupid profile to promote the sport of kickball. Which, obviously, is a solid sport that deserves more followers. I’m in, dude!

In response to me telling him that he was too old for me (he’s my mom’s age) and suggesting he aim for women his own age…

The most confusing part may be his username choice based on a Twilight character… Does he think women will be uncontrollably sucked in by the reference? Or is he a Twihard? Either way, do you think he’ll father my children?